That’s how I feel, lately.
Here’s a list of things I’m motivated to do these days:
…and here are the things I won’t do unless someone forces me:
It wasn’t always like this. In college I was an Academic Terminator; I could not be stopped. I maintained a 3.97 cumulative GPA, completed papers weeks ahead of schedule, studied during summer vacations.
Post-graduation, same story. I worked two jobs, played guitar in a band on the weekends, jogged every morning. I wrote a book. The finished product might have sucked, who knows, I’m biased. But hey, I finished a fucking 350 page novel. That shit is hard.
So what happened?
I got lazy. Don’t judge me.
In college, if I wanted to buy something, I had to work for it. And since I was an hourly employee supplementing my income with tips, the amount of beer/porn I could afford to consume was directly tied to how hard and long I worked.
I’m salaried now, which means that no matter how hard I work I’ll end up with the same damn paycheck every week. A paycheck that isn’t huge, but covers my expenses with enough left over for all the stupid crap I want to buy.
In college I had something(s) to prove. I wanted to show that I was smart, marketable, popular. I don’t have those motivations now. I’m comfortable. I have enough friends, and I can’t stand most people anyway. Women haven’t been a problem (well, they’ve been a problem–oh Christ have they been a problem–but getting them hasn’t been a problem).
I’m fresh out of motivation. Neutered.
I need a goal. Something to feel passionately about. An enemy, maybe. Or a quest, like Lord of the Rings.
Suggestions? Looking for a fight? A metaphorical or literal slap in the face might be just what the doctor ordered.